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Criticizing Your Partner


I find very often with clients who come for relationship coaching, that there is a pattern from both sides that they criticize the other and focus on traits that annoy rather than the traits they love. This breeds contempt and contempt is very toxic for anyone to live with. When we criticize our partner, we are creating a hostile environment where there should be a safe one.

Criticism causes us to wither, to feel so lonely and insecure. There is nothing helpful in critical judgement. Couples can grow when they work on issues together. I know someone whose parents taught him that women should always make themselves as beautiful as possible upon leaving the house. He grew up with a mother and sister who never left the house without make-up and done up hair, which is great for women who make that choice. When he started to date a girl that he really liked who preferred no make-up and dressed in very casual clothes, he found that he criticized her greatly. She was comfortable with her appearance and felt that it was enough to be clean and smell good, which he had a very hard time with. It took him a while to realize that he thought of her as unkempt and lazy with her appearance, when in reality, that had nothing to do with the truth and his judgement of her had started to wear her down. Rather than expecting her to change for him and always dress up, he realized that he needed to change what he thought of her. He put a lot of effort in that change of thought pattern. Both of them worked diligently together and in the end, it really improved their relationship.

Just because he thought certain things of his girlfriend, did not mean that that was the truth. He understood that reality is what a person thinks it is. His reality changed when his thoughts changed. Once again, open your thoughts and therefore your whole life. "Do not believe everything you think." To find out more on how to be the author of your life, book a session today.