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Life During Covid

Covid has caused an entire transformation in the world because it has thrown many of us head-on into our internal reality. During our day to day, we have always been able to distract ourselves with work, school, media, social media, going out with friends, going to parties, concerts, etc etc etc. During quarantine, we were put in a position where it was much more difficult to distract ourselves. Our thoughts kept pushing through. We were no longer able to push down our fears, anxieties, anger, or sadness. And since it is ingrained into us since birth that we should do anything we can to not feel this way, we spiral out of control because we don't know how to get out of these feelings. We never stop to think that if we are so controlled by these feelings, maybe we should understand them better. Maybe they are not the monsters we think they are. Maybe it is possible not to feel so sad when we have sadness and not to feel so afraid when we have anxiety. We get mixed in like a blender. I refer to this as blenderizing. It's as if we become a smoothie, meaning a blend of some version of ourselves and a certain emotion. We don't know how to separate ourselves. We are our feelings and our feelings are us. I remember the years of feeling constant anxiety and sadness. I never thought to ask myself what is this fear that controls me so much? What is it? Why am I running away from it all the time? Why do I only want to feel differently and never confront my own mind and my own feelings? Why am I constantly trying to escape what controls me without ever having faced it completely? I never inspected it. I never looked at my own eyes and asked myself what emotions are in the first place. I never asked myself why I give permission for these emotions to rule my mind. I never asked myself what is actually going on in my head that I believe all these thoughts without ever having filtered them and truly looked at them. I tried to escape and distract myself or I cried endlessly and felt sorry for myself although I never admitted it. I never admitted how comfortable my own suffering was to me. When I started to look into myself truly, I saw that I didn't want to give it up completely. I thought I did because I suffered so much, but when I realized that I was also clinging to it, I felt even worse because I had no idea how to stop. I had no idea how to unblenderize myself. I was so completely immersed in these emotions and in my own suffering that I didn't know myself without them. When I started to understand that my emotions are not me and I am not my emotions, it put me on a path to freedom rather than being a constant slave to what I was feeling. When I allowed myself to realize my own unfiltered truth, it was when my life truly began to truly change. To find out more, call today.

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