Measuring Who Does What
How often do we feel that our partner does not see us? We feel victimized and angry because our partner does not appreciate us or put in real effort. We feel hurt that our partner constantly does something that we have asked them not to and doesn't remember to do things that we have asked them to. Some of us feel nagged and chided by our partner. We often have a long laundry list of things that our partner does and does not do to make our lives difficult. (This list is very detrimental and I get into that in another post).
It is interesting to see how seldomly we look at our own doing rather than our partner's. We measure what our significant other does and often fail to give credit to what they deal with in our own traits and tendencies. I have seen couples where one person, let's say, the wife has a very short temper and the husband has a very even one. The wife also does a lot more in terms of housework and feels angry. On the other hand she may fail to realize that all the times when her husband is forgiving of her temper and let's things go, that is a huge thing that he does for her, which she does not give in return.
In partnerships, each person gives what they can and it usually is different. One person may be very generous and compromising in situations in which their significant other is not. We cannot accurately measure what we do for each other and trying to do so takes the good will and benevolence from what has been done. Some of us continue to work, buy things, clean, whatever it may be, while simultaneously feeling resentment, contempt and therefore victimized. This cycle is toxic for everyone in the household.
It is imperative to establish healthy means of communication and establish a plan of action that is adhered to which directly addresses and alleviates the issues at hand. There are ways to learn effective ways of communicating with each other. There is a reason you have chosen each other. Do not give up on each other and do not give up on yourselves. It may seem very difficult to close the rift between you, but it is not. To learn how to find closeness again, get in touch today.