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Handling Enduring Anger


Sometimes it can seem impossible to let go of anger. It engulfs a person and becomes part of their identity without them realizing it. No one willingly gives in to anger on a conscious level, but subconsciously it can take control. It is like a virus that that gradually causes the person to become weaker and weaker. Anger is also almost always a secondary emotion. It is a reaction to being hurt.

When we feel angry, it is a defense mechanism, because it is easier to feel angry than offended. We feel more powerful in anger and more vulnerable in hurt. Anger is normal and we must allow ourselves to feel it when it arises within us. There should also be a point where we can calm down, take a step back and look at the situation more objectively.

When we are angry, we are unable to have a calm discussion with the person we have been hurt by. We cannot reach any kind of helpful solution or understanding when anger guides our thoughts and speech. This is true whether we are angry at another person, ourselves or at life.

Enduring anger is harmful. Sometimes it may take a while to calm down, but when anger is the emotion that stays within us regarding someone (including ourselves), or a situation, it becomes time to reflect and understand what has happened in a more realistic manner. There is a saying attributed to Buddha that says, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." This is so true. Anger stays within us and eats away at us. While the other person is living their own life, we are being affected by our anger. It makes no sense. However, there is a way to work through it.

We do not have to be stuck with our anger. We can be good to ourselves by cutting off connection with a toxic person, and then we can move on. We do not have to wallow in what that person has done to us. When we stay stuck in our anger, our growth is stagnant. We suffer from what we do to ourselves, not from what we has happened to us. This is true and there is no way around it. We suffer from our reactions to a person or situation, not by what has been done to us. This is not always a fun thing to know. It requires taking responsibility and owning up to the fact that we can no longer blame the person we are angry with.

Upon understanding this, we can let go of the other person completely and start to work through it. It is part of healing and is imperative to having a contented life. Letting go of anger and healing is part of the process of being kind and loving to ourselves. It is possible to work through it. You have to decide between the two. Anger is too toxic to have both. Only one can triumph. Do you choose anger or do you choose yourself? To find out how to choose yourself, book a session today.